Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Ruining Halloween

Michael's already has their Halloween stock out
You all probably know what this post is about. You're all smart little things with good heads on their shoulders.
Before I discuss the various ways Halloween is ruined, I'd like to be positive and focus on the good things about Halloween.
Halloween paraphernalia usually appears around September, but not this year. The picture to the left is a picture taken at Michael's a week ago by Bat-Cave-Beauty on tumblr. As you can all plainly see, it's absolutely fantastic. I've also heard tale of the almighty Target setting out their Halloween stock. According to their website, they're already selling costumes. Speaking of costumery, soon there will be plenty of goodies to wear year-round, like stripy tights, kitschy jewelry, and gloves made out of rich fabrics like polyester.
And do NOT get me started on Hobby Lobby's(the American HobbyCraft) Halloween decorations. At least half of the knick knacks in my room have come from Hobby Lobby. They usually put out their Halloween stock in September.

Now, it is time to discuss Halloween's downfall. I'll create a list of cleverly titled problems with Halloween.

The Kid-Friendly Crafts
Are you all familiar with the Oriental Trading Company? Have you seen their...disgustingly childish Halloween crafts? They will occasionally have some neat little stickers that are twenty bucks too expensive, but most of their stuff consists of orange paper leaves and foam pumpkin stickers. It's the way educational systems put a damper on Halloween, by taking away everything but the vegetation. I sound so anti-political.

The "Harvest Festival" Spiel
I don't mean all the goodness of the traditional Samhain, with it's bit of Festival of the Dead thrown in. I mean the mini-thanksgiving type event. If you have ever been to a church's Halloween event, you will understand. They pile hay bales into some trailer attached to a pickup truck and drive it around a field while you wait to be scared witless by vicious teenagers in masks that never appear. Then there's the event known as 'Trunk or Treating'. A line of cars with their hatches open filled with parents dressed as farmers giving out Tootsie Rolls. The event is usually a huge let down and all of the homeschool kids decide to be hardcore and hang out at the graveyard, awkwardly discussing relationships.

The Geriatric Christmas Movement
Faltly, this when old people give out hard candy whilst playing Christmas music and yelling at trick-or-treaters out after eight. They are the sole reason the word 'trick' is still in 'trick-or-treaters'.

The Fast-Forward Button
Have you ever turned on the normal people radio and heard Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer playing in September? Or seen cornucopias hanging in shop windows in October (American thing)? This is when all of the true weirdos decide to skip the "weirdo Satanic Pagan devil-worshipping Hell-bound deviants" holiday and attempt to hurry up the other holidays. They're portrayed in movies as the Scrooges of Halloween, who give out apples and dental floss instead of candy corn and gummy worms and go to bed early.

There you have it. This is what I deal with around Halloween. Note-I'm in the middle of the Bible Belt, in a town full of hicks who consider Walgreen's to be upscale. I know I didn't cover everything. I could always blog about how Goths are treated awkwardly during the Halloween season, but no one really bothers me personally about besides the usual daft remarks and harried looks. I don't feel comfortable blogging about things I haven't experienced. 

With candy corn smiles and fishnetted arms,


  1. I'm okay with the "harvest festival" aspect. That's how Halloween originated anyhow...it was originally Samhain, the last of the Celtic harvest festivals and also the day/night when the veil between this world and that of the dead was pulled back.

    But that's just my pagan half speaking. I also really adore all the spooky, scary, crazy shit modern Halloween is known for. :)

    1. Oh, I forgot to discuss Samhain! And by Harvest Festival, I meant the gathering of the crops, sort of like a mini Thanksgiving. Also, Samhain has elements of Festival of the Dead, right? The Harvest Festival part is what I was focusing on. I'll update the post to include that.

  2. You can't forget the horrible costumes they try to pass off as goth. Sometimes they can be ok, but usually they're just...bad.

  3. I hate the costumes BUT I like when Halloween is over.. and grabbing little random bargains.
    Like mini 50c pumpkin buckets! PURPLE ONES. I keep my sparklies and necklaces in there :3